the upward call is higher every day.

nothing will get easier.

looking at the circumstance will not change anything.
going for retreat or weekends away will not change anything.

unless i look to Yahweh.
to the God who holds everything.
and is in control.

i thank God for time to have caught up with di.


-laughs derisively
an F for pharmaco test 3.

tell me what does this world has for me
but bleakness and death?

that i may be found only in You.
and glory in the power of the Cross.

Labels: so i look to you

10:53 PM

my heart burns for you'
you see past all my lies.

CARON

Gender: Feminine

Usage: Welsh
Derived from Welsh caru meaning "to love".

1. Welsh: Loving, kind
2. French: Pure; Variation of Karen
3. Greek: Pure

i now know what my name really means.
thank you ian(:

Lord, answer all the questions in my mind.
Your Word shows me i'm totally depraved and in need of You.
thank You.

12:43 AM

my heart burns for you'
you see past all my lies.

ERSE 1:
Oh You bring hope to the hopeless
And light to those in the darkness
And death to life
Now Im alive
Oh You give peace to the restless
And joy to homes that are broken
I see You now
In You Im found

CHORUS:
And You opened the door for me
And You laid down
Your life to set me free
All that I am will serve You Lord
And You opened my eyes to see
All the wonder and awe of Christ in me
Jesus Youre everything I need

VERSE 2:
Oh You fill those who are empty
And rescue those in the valley
And through it all You calm my soul
Oh You find me in my weakness
And heal the wounds of my heartache
I worship You in spirit and truth

BRIDGE:
All honour
All glory
All praise to You

Labels: i am nothing, You are everything.

2:29 AM

my heart burns for you'
you see past all my lies.

i want to run away and cry.

i hate miscommunication.

11:06 PM

when i don't say a word

Your majesty fills up the sky
every morning when i wake
and every night when i sleep
the heavens pour forth Your praises
without speech
and any language that a human can understand

so when i don't say a word
they sing Your praises
when i don't say a word
they shine the colours that tell me You're beautiful
when i don't say a word

i can't because i can't find the words to say

You leave me standing and falling on my face
Your presence
in my heart and in my mind
and in the universe
how can it be?
how can it be?

so when i don't say a word
it doesn't mean i don't love you
because you know
already know every word upon my tongue
and in my thoughts and in my heart
and i don't say a word

you tell me i'm beautiful
you're indescribable
you say i'm forgiven
you're so magnificent
you say i'm loved
you're amazing

hardly in the mood for anything.
there's a thousand and one list of things i want to do.
and i feel so suppressed.
but your word gives me hope.

eph 3:16-20

and im feeling feisty.
someone pick a war with me.
let me ride off into the night
on a black horse's back.
let me wield a sword and slay the make-believe dragon
let me sound the horn and wage war on the enemy.

bold, beautiful, strong.

because i feel none of the above.

and i can only fall on my knees and plead,
beg for mercy.
as i try my best to chase dreams and wishes that haunt me.
and remind me i cannot do anything.

what a wretched soul i am.
only You save me.
only You love me.
just as i am.

thank You.



lest i forget Gethsamane
lest i forget Thine agony
lest i forget Thy love for me
lead me to Calvary

Labels: die.

9:04 PM

my heart burns for you'
you see past all my lies.

I'll sing of the grace that I found in You
And all that You've done
Through the power of the cross for me

I'll sing of the mercy I found in You
And all that You are
And the fullness of Your love for me

All that I have has come from Your hand
And all I ever know is Jesus
You are faithful to the end

I'll tell of the wonders I found in You
And the love that You've shown
It's higher than the heavens burns in me

All that I have has come from Your hand
And all I ever know is Jesus
You are faithful

What in this world could take me from Your love?
All I ever know is Jesus
You are faithful
All I ever know is Jesus
You are faithful to the end

3:53 PM

to God be the glory.

i know not anything else to say.

2:38 AM

my heart burns for you'
you see past all my lies.

and i feel the fool.

let Your words bring conviction to my heart,
and bring a change in me.

once more.
let the live coals burn me up.
and let nothing live.

kill me Lord,
den live in me once more.

these fleshly and human desires,
crucify!


A god begotten in the shadows of a fallen heart quite naturally be no ture likeness of the true God.
Let us beware lest in our pride accept the erroneous notion that idolatry consists only in kneeling before visible objects of adoration, and that civilised peoples are free from it.
The essence of idolatry is the entertainment of thoughts about God that are unworthy of Him. It begins in the mind and may be present where no overt acts of worship has taken place.

Lord, how great is our dilemna!
In Thy presence silence is best of us,
but love inflame our hearts and constrains us to speak.
Were we to hold our peace the stones would cry out;
yet if we speak, what shall we say?
Teach us to know that we cannot know,
for the things of God knoweth no man,
but the Spirit of God.
Let faith support us where reason fails,
and we shall think because we believe,
not in order that we may believe.

in Jesus' name, amen.

When Scripture states that man was made in the image of God, we dare not add to that statement an idea from our own head and make it mean "in the Exact image".
To do so is to make man a replica of God,
and that is to lose the unicity of God and end with no God at all.
It is to break down the wall, infinitely high, that separates that-which-is-God from that which-is-not-God.
To think of creature and Creator as alike in essential being is to rob God of most of His attributes and reduce Him to the status of a creature. It is to take away His sovereignity: there cannot be two absolutely free beings in the universe, for sooner or later two completely free wills must collide.
The attributes of God, require that there be but one to whom they belong-infinitude, sovereignty.

When we try to imagine what God is like we must of necessity use that-which-is-not-God as raw material for our minds to work on; hence whatever we visualise God to be (or see in our finite minds), He is not, for we have constructed our image out of that which He has made and what He has made is not God. If we insist on trying to imagine Him, we end with an idol, made not with hands but with thoughts; and an idol of the mind is as offensive to God as an idol of the hand.

The intellect knoweth that it is ignorant of Thee,
because it knoweth Thou canst not be known,
unless the unknowable could be known,
and the invisible beheld,
and the inaccessible attained.

-Nicholas of Cusa



an excerpt from "Knowledge of the Holy" by A.W. Tozer

You are incomprehensible,
and that's why i worship You.

1:36 AM

my heart burns for you'
you see past all my lies.

He was tall, and dark.
His features well-defined; he has such dark brown eyes, it seemed like you could drown in them.
I could hear his voice; it drew me in, deeper and deeper. It haunted me, and kept me company in my sleepless nights.
He read aplenty, and loved the Book with all his heart. He would not stop talking about it, and always sang about the Saviour who redeemed him from the depths of hell. His Saviour gave him life everlasting. He wrote songs for Him, and could not stop telling people about His God-His God forgave, His God was justice, His God was Holy!
Then, he smiled at me.

Until then, and even then, help me to crucify the flesh. How do i not wonder? Only to focus and keep my thoughts on You alone.
i'll wait upon You alone, to be pure both in body and spirit.

and now, even as i'm just failing so much.
in my thoughts, actions, speech.
kill me Lord,
that i might live to you.
reckon yourself dead. dead. dead.

our God reigns.

11:12 PM

God is light and in Him
is no darkness at all.
If we say that we have fellowship with Him,
and walk in darkness,
we lie
and do not practise the truth.

1 John

Anything that I have contructed with my mind, and perceived as God;
anything that I have acclaimed to God what is not of Him,

i have sinned.
i have bowed to idolatry.


a crooked and depraved generation.
who live in lies and lust and damnation.

Anyone who speaks a gospel contrary to the Bible,
let him/her be accursed.

Galatians

how can we think our words, and actions, and gender can ever bring anyone to Christ.
let me be a fool and slained,
before that ever happens!

May only the Holy Spirit, and the power of God's Word,
bring conviction and life to those who hear the Gospel.

"i'm a girl, and being more popular, so i ask guys to church, it does help them be more receptive to the Gospel."

May i be cursed if i ever do that.

i do not intend to shoot at anyone,
but
he who has ears, let him hear.

how often do we rely on our human undertanding,
and our human reasoning and try to preach the Gospel,
and misrepresent the Gospel.

forgive me Lord, for the many times that I have let you down,
and not held Your Name in honour,
given You the due respect.

May You open my eyes,
to see You in everything that i do.
May I fear Your Name and Yours alone,
and live a life that is worthy enough,
of Your calling.

Nothing in me that deserves grace,
but You
gave me grace,
and love,
and mercy,
so freely.

This is my story
This is my song
Praising my Saviour
all the day long

That Christ was crucified
on that Cross
to bring me life
and so much more.

i fall at Your feet.

let this not just stop here.

12:21 AM

my heart burns for you'
you see past all my lies.

i want to cry.

11:23 PM

i'm at a loss for words.
i don't know how to live anymore.
constant callings everywhere,
and this world is a terrible place.

wretched being that I am
i do not deserve anything.

and Your love and Holiness blows me away.

2:18 AM

1:31 AM

my heart burns for you'
you see past all my lies.

God help me.

only You can keep me calm and keep my mind working.
ughh.

1:19 AM

my heart burns for you'
you see past all my lies.

Gummy bears in a box.


also at the art exhibition along the Esplanade walkway.

You add colour to my life.

Labels: i love the colours.

5:59 AM

a night of overnight studying at Changi Airport Starbuckssss.







clearly. we were bored and decided to entertain oursleves for awhile.
i thank God for you adora cheong.
haha addddddd.

let'e have more days like these. but i must study more and be less distracted.
and stop laughin at funny english.
i shan't be mean.
=d

and how do i put into words that corss my mind at hours like that?
save me Lord, for i am but fallen.
and saved only by Your grace.

Labels: i fly away from here in my mind

5:53 AM

a day with the beloved. and figments of childhood.






pictures cut out from Enid Blyton's books and put together.
they were all along the walkway towards the Esplanade.
it felt really whimsical for a moment, and i really enojoyed walking down and just admiring the pictures. perhaps, it was a window back to my past and how carefree those days were.
i used to colour those pictures.
(:

i thank you for being the God who loves little children.
and for loving me then.
and now.

Labels: whimsical dreams and stories.

5:46 AM

my heart burns for you'
you see past all my lies.

musings in the late night never do good if ure in front of the com.

and again,
i fall at your feet.
in reverent awe and just totally feeling so wretched bout this being i am.
because You are so holy.

and i am so sinful.

doing the things i say i don't want to do.
i can nevr uds.

and i am an hour late for bed.

goodnight.

thank You Lord for always being here.

we can run away from here.

Labels: only You Jesus

1:24 AM

my heart burns for you'
you see past all my lies.

We rely on Your grace.
Adonai, crowned in praise
Lord Most High
Jesus Christ

i thank You,
for everything that You've done, and are going to do.

my life doesn't get easier,
but it's going to get harder.
and i will not quit.
i will press on.
push harder.
onward. onward.

pharmaco is disappointing, yet again.
):
but,
i shan't give up.

exams start next saturday.
i'm scared. i am.
but i will trust in You.
and i know You hold me in Your hands.

so i will be brave.

Labels: because of You.

12:45 AM

my heart burns for you'
you see past all my lies.

"you're not suited to ride.
you need a certain kind of character."

please.
you don't even know me.
you're hardly around.
don't say you know who i am or know my character.
because you don't.

i had enough of you judging me.
or saying and commenting about what i do.
keep quiet.
your voice grates my nerves.

sighs.
and how is it that i still am marvelled too,
of how you can sound on my ipod.


i feel like i'm tearing apart.
i can no longer keep track of time.
just losing my days rapidly.
and there just seems to be an endless stream of things to do.
and no one really stops and bothers.
its just the same routine again and again.

"do this."
"do that."

no comments.
no pauses.

i thought i had just escaped that moment for awhile.
conquered those thoughts that threatened my eyes.
but no,
they are back.

a horrible C.
a big fat one.

why can't i seem to improve?
why isn't anything working.
i'm almost up to my brim.

the sound of the tv infuriates.
shutup.

i cannot stand being in the same place as you.
you disappoint me so much.

and how can i love you so much still.

what is Love then, without trying moments?

but you are on the other side.
somewhere far between.

and i feel i'm not talkin sense anymore.
but filled up with all these rubbish.

get out.
get out.

i don't want to be here.

Lord help me.

Labels: desperate.

2:24 AM

my heart burns for you'
you see past all my lies.

Oh, to see the dawn
Of the darkest day:
Christ on the road to Calvary.
Tried by sinful men,
Torn and beaten, then
Nailed to a cross of wood.

Chorus:
This, the power of the cross:
Christ became sin for us
Took the blame, bore the wrath—
We stand forgiven at the cross.

Oh, to see the pain
Written on Your face,
Bearing the awesome weight of sin.
Every bitter thought,
Every evil deed
Crowning Your bloodstained brow.

Now the daylight flees
Now the ground beneath
Quakes as its Maker bows His head.
Curtain torn in two,
Dead are raised to life;
"Finished!" the victory cry.

Oh, to see my name
Written in the wounds,
For through Your suffering I am free.
Death is crushed to death
Life is mine to live,
Won through Your selfless love.

This, the power of the cross:
Son of God—slain for us
What a love! What a cost!

We stand forgiven at the cross

--

i find myself getting lost again and again.
distracted by the list of things to do.
getting anxious over need-not things.
being fuzzled up with everything i have to do.

and i forget who You are.
and what i mean to You.
and i chase after worthless things.

if ever i was lost
You said that all You feel for me
is undying love
that You showed me through the cross

and i stand amazed once again.

i dare not say,
I love You
if i am unable to live my life for you wholeheartedly.
if i am not able to die to this wretched self.
but what am i without you?
oh nothing.
but dust.
and worthless crap.

so i look to you.
and softly whisper these precious words,
because i can't help fallin in love with you again.

but oh!
help me to love you more and more.
even the ability to love you comes from you.

what heights of love
what depths of peace
when fears are stilled
when strivings cease
my comforter
my all in all
here in the death of Christ
i live.


i'm really blown away.

Labels: i fall down on my face.

12:35 AM

my heart burns for you'
you see past all my lies.

stars falling down
and i fall for you.

why do i do what i hate to do?

suffering from somlenence.

speak to me Lord.

really tired.

Labels: haste.

3:14 AM

my heart burns for you'
you see past all my lies.

Speak O Lord

Teach us Lord full obedience
Holy reverence, true humility
test our thoughts and our attitudes
in the radiance of your purity

and by grace we'll stand on Your promises
and by faith we'll walk as You with us


something i think is quite funny.
but yes. God's word is so so impt.
not the best vid ever, but the hymn is so wonderful.



build the church with the most holy truth
waiting for Jesus with vigilance and awareness.

keep me close to You.

Living for Jesus, a life that is true,
Striving to please Him in all that I do;
Yielding allegiance, glad hearted and free,
This is the pathway of blessing for me.

Living for Jesus Who died in my place,
Bearing on Calvary my sin and disgrace;
Such love constrains me to answer His call,
Follow His leading and give Him my all.

REFRAIN

O Jesus, Lord and Savior, I give myself to Thee,
For Thou, in Thy atonement, didst give Thyself for me.
I own no other Master, my heart shall be Thy throne.
My life I give, henceforth to live, O Christ, for Thee alone.

Living for Jesus, wherever I am,
Doing each duty in His holy Name;
Willing to suffer affliction and loss,
Deeming each trial a part of my cross.


Living for Jesus through earth’s little while,
My dearest treasure, the light of His smile;
Seeking the lost ones He died to redeem,
Bringing the weary to find rest in Him.


really.
i am depraved and wretched.
and your amazing grace is just so amazing.
help me to live life worthy of your calling.

Labels: test my thoughts.

8:47 PM

my heart burns for you'
you see past all my lies.

shout it out (:

-

all the brothers and sisters

-

of old.

-

credits.

-

wonderful people

-